


i chase you because it hurts

by uchiwan



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Soulmates, Uchiha Sasuke-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:35:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26613070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uchiwan/pseuds/uchiwan
Summary: Sometimes he awakens from his slumber, a violent explosion of pain ripping through his chest and arm, colliding and twisting, becoming one; the metallic taste of blood on his tongue, tears like deadening stars falling from his eyes.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 9
Kudos: 102
Collections: Fics Naruto/Sasuke, Incredible Sasuke Fics that make me cry, r/NarutoFanfiction Gift Exchange





	i chase you because it hurts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [uchiwaka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/uchiwaka/gifts).



Sasuke is born with a dusting of freckles across his nose and a sun-shaped birthmark on his wrist. Mikoto’s mother says it’s because he’s beloved of the sun goddess, destined for greatness, and Fugaku smiles, wolfish and covetous, for both of his sons are destined for great things. (Mikoto smiles serenely; she doesn’t need her shaman mother to tell her that her sons are special - they are of her blood, after all.) 

Itachi traces the tiny sun-shaped birthmark with reverence, eyes wide. "His soulmate is the sun." His voice is older and deeper than that of a five-year-old, and it frightens Mikoto with its intensity. She can’t help but _wonder_ about her eldest child. 

* * *

After her best friend's death, Mikoto takes Sasuke to Konoha General to visit her godson. Itachi is with his father, training to become a ninja, of course, despite her own reservations. Even as a previous kunoichi herself, there is something she finds deeply perverse about turning children into weapons. 

As the Lady of the Uchiha clan, she's allowed into the nursery, and though it takes a steely stare directed towards the head nurse, she's escorted into a private room where she can introduce her boys. 

Perhaps Lord Hokage will allow her to adopt him. 

She sits down on the floor and carefully eases them both onto the fluffy carpet. Sasuke grumbles, but calms when she presses a kiss upon his button nose. "Hello, Naruto, I'm your godmother Mikoto. I was your mother's friend and, and I—" she chokes back tears, the pain of her best friend's death still fresh on her mind. While the village mourns the loss of their hero, the Yondaime Hokage, she mourns the loss of her fierce and vibrant best friend, and she mourns for the young blonde boy who will never know of his mother or father. 

"Your parents loved you so much, your mother especially. She was so excited, but nervous." She presses a kiss to Naruto's forehead and looks at her son. the thought of leaving him fills her with such terror. She swallows back that terror, burying it deep in the niches of her heart. 

She watches as Sasuke gravitates towards Naruto, his lips curling up into a delighted smile, and feels a heavy burden lifting from her shoulders. 

( Later, she learns that she cannot adopt him—he's the jinchuriki of the nine-tailed fox, and she's an Uchiha; certain factions of Konoha believe they controlled the beast. She rages and rages at the absurdity of that claim, and the Hokage's insistence that she stay away from her godson ).

* * *

The pains begin when Sasuke is three years old; he’s too young to understand why his chest hurts, and though his parents take him to the greatest medics that the village offers, none of them can figure out why his chest hurts ( if only Tsunade was in the village, perhaps she could have given them a prognosis ), so he's left with a constant ache and medicine. 

Mikoto wants him to take it easy; when she and her husband are alone, she says perhaps it’s not in Sasuke’s destiny to become a shinobi ( perhaps her soft, precious child will take up some less strenuous activity, like painting or perhaps he’ll become a medical-nin like _her_ father ), but Fugaku argues with her. _It’s merely a brief inconvenience_ , he says, _both of his sons_ **_will_ ** _become shinobi_. It is the Uchiha way. 

So Sasuke grows under the watchful gaze of his mother, grandmother, and aunts; he learns under them the proper prayer for giving thanks to the goddess from whom they all came, the sacred rites, and how to pray for strength and deliverance from the pain. He, the sun-kissed Uchiha, blessed (or cursed, some clansmen might say) by the sun goddess, still grows up in the shadow of his elder brother - the apple of his father's eye - the star of the Uchiha clan. 

("Oh, Sasuke, your father loves you—he does," his mother says, smiling that secret smile of hers, the scent of wildflowers surrounding him as she pulls him into her lap. “He merely struggles to express his love, and his pride for you.”)

* * *

At the age of five, the constant pain that comes from his chest ebbs away like a river from the shore as soon as he walks through the doors of his classroom. His relief washes over him like a cool breeze on a warm day, and he can't help the sigh that comes tumbling from his mouth. Perhaps it's the excitement from the first day of Ninja academy (his mother still didn't want him to go, but she accepted his decision after he promised he would take it easy), or perhaps it's some other reason, but Sasuke's relieved nonetheless. 

He takes a seat next to the blonde boy who radiates warmth, mischief, and familiarity. 

"Naruto Uzumaki, nice to meet ya!" Naruto smiles, bright and unhindered, solar storms dancing across his mouth.

"Sasuke—Sasuke Uchiha," he responds in turn, cat-like eyes drinking in the sight of him while ignoring the warmth that spreads through his body and the flowers that bloom in the back of his mind. 

(For as long as he can remember, he has been experiencing the emotions of another, and now it seems he can finally put a face on the flickering stars and the wild eyed explosion of happiness that blooms in his chest between the sharp throbbing of pain.)

He doesn't tell anyone of the boy with sunshine beneath his skin, who makes him experience a multitude of emotions—annoyance, happiness, and everything in between. The boy with the silver moon-like birthmark on his wrist.

* * *

Something is wrong. Something is _very_ wrong. 

A stygian canvas greets him as he enters the Uchiha District, like the black mouth of the center of the universe; neither of the two guards is at their post and a deafening silence hangs in the air. His blood turns to ice in his veins as he passes through the open gates.

Something's wrong. It's too early for everyone to go to bed—it's only eight in the evening (oh, Amaterasu _wept_ , his mother is sure to kill him; he was supposed to return early for the annual mother-son meal before his birthday, and he’s late), and, strangely, everyone’s in bed already. Something’s wrong. He's shaking, his palms are clammy, and the hairs on his neck stand up.

He accelerates his pace, comes around the corner and—

—and there are bodies everywhere: his auntie and uncle are laying in a pool of blood, his cousins Aiko and Mako next to them with their throats slit. The smell of iron invades his nose; the ground is a crimson mirror with how much blood there is. He wants to scream, but the sound catches in his throat.

Wherever he turns, there are bodies (there is so much blood that he wants to vomit at the smell), some more mutilated than others.

He runs and runs (surely his mother and father are alright, his brother would protect them), desperately hoping that someone, anyone was still alive.

And he finds them; his mother's throat slit so deep, he can see layers of muscles and bone, and his father's stomach—

(When the ANBU find him, hours later, he's nearly catatonic.)

* * *

He stops speaking for about a year after the massacre. At the mere thought of returning to the open sarcophagus of emptiness, bereft of even a single breath, of staring at the unmoving sea of death, he's thrown into the waiting maw of fear and black-lacquered nightmares (gasping for breath, he wakes, That Man staring down at him with crimson-stained eyes, wide awake & towering, with an enormous smile). Every night, it's a compressed version of creation & destruction: the hopeful moon plunged into the abyss of hopeless absence.

( _foolish little brother, if you wish to kill me, then Hate me, Detest me, Curse me, and survive in an unsightly way. Run, Run, and cling to your pitiful life_. ) 

When he's released from the hospital, the Hokage arranges for him to move into an apartment in the Shinobi District of Konoha (politics prevents other clans from adopting him, he later learns; he's the last of the Uchiha and underage to boot, and giving another clan guardianship over him would upset the balance of the village) so he tries to make sense of his new life. 

He avoids Naruto like the plague, though his light-stained worry penetrates Sasuke's side of the connection; he avoids that too. In class, he sits alone near the windows; after class, he barricades himself in his one-bedroom apartment. 

* * *

He graduates at 12, along with the blonde (prat) who radiates light, so bright it puts his teeth on edge (whose existence is like a balm for his aching heart). He’s placed on the team with his daystar, and a pink-haired girl named Sarumi? Sayaka? Saika? He doesn't know much about that girl, save for the fact that her hair is pink and that she likes him. She believes she knows him, but what does she know? They know nothing of the pain, the horror he witnessed when he was 7 years old.

( Itachi’s demented smile, gore splattered across his alabaster skin—

red skies, the stench of dozens of rotting bodies, blood between his toes, redred _red_ )

Naruto smiles at him and vanquishes benighted skies with his lambency and the skeins of white pulsate like stars. And he almost forgets that he's the last of the Uchiha (almost). 

* * *

Shock sweeps through the nexus of their ever-expanding bond, like the tidal waves of twilight, then horror and terror as crimson petals stain the footpaths of the bridge, and he realizes these feelings are not his ( they're far too brilliant and loud and beautiful, like the moon's gloaming ). He coughs and crumbles like dead foliage, trembling with pain; he barely notices falling into warm arms. 

"S-Sasuke, why did you do that?" Naruto chokes, tears spilling down sun-kissed cheeks. 

A bloodied smile curls at his mouth, "I-I don't know. My body just moved, there was no time to think." 

( he does it because life without Naruto is like life without sun ) 

Shadows cover Naruto's face and it's like watching clouds moving in front of the sun. Sasuke wishes he could make the sun shine again, but the pain is so blinding that he can't concentrate on anything else (except, maybe, the warmth that seeps into his bones from Naruto's arms). 

He coughs, red slashing against the pale canvas of his skin, darkness crawling into the edges of his vision. "He—He's still out there. My brother—I promised myself I'd stay alive until I killed him." Every breath hurts, but he must tell Naruto. 

A wheeze. Obsidian eyes becoming heavier, the warmth of Naruto's arms fading away. "Naruto, don't let—don't let your dream die." 

His breath exhausts in a matter of an instant, like a dying star expending all its energy as he falls still; his last glimpse is of the lachrymose sun, tears pouring down his face, tremendous sobs tearing through his body, the moon-like birthmark losing some of its vibrancy. 

I'm _sorry_ Naruto, I'm—

* * *

Orochimaru offers him something no one else could: power (and the promise of sweet relief from the pain), and when he has the chance, he seizes it (the blond idiot will say he was forced, and the pink one, too, but he's no fool, no damsel in distress, he knew what he was doing when he took Orochimaru's "hand"). And so he descends into the belly of the beast, Orochimaru's dark power brushing along the slope of his cheekbones and seeping into the spaces between his ribs. 

Kabuto sweeps sidelong glances at him when he thinks no one is watching, his eyes narrowed in disgust and distrust. Orochimaru's followers stare at him, unsure what to make of him, the last Uchiha; he can taste their curiosity, imagine the questions that form on the tips of their tongues, but they dare not ask. 

"I do not trust you, Sasuke-kun," Kabuto says casually, one day, as he shoves a needle into Sasuke’s vein, an artificial smile upon his face. (Sasuke doesn't flinch, shows no weakness around the slimy creep.) "I'll be watching you. If I catch a whiff of treachery, I will kill you." Oh, he has no doubt; Kabuto has a morbid attachment to Orochimaru and would protect him at all costs. 

Sasuke's smile is all teeth, sharp and white against the curve of his mouth, "As if you can," he drawls, voice cool and amused all at once. “But I'll take that into consideration.” 

* * *

The pain in his chest doesn’t go away, but his power grows, and most days he's able to ignore the sharp starbursts of pain (when he's alone in his room, and during moments of weakness, his thoughts turn towards his daystar; wonders if he's thinking of him too) with the continuous training regimen. 

Sometimes he awakens from his slumber, a violent explosion of pain ripping through his chest and arm, colliding and twisting, becoming one; the metallic taste of blood on his tongue, tears like deadening stars falling from his eyes. (Occasionally he awakens, the taste of ramen on his tongue, the scent of fresh-cut flowers & petrichor clinging to his pillow, a childlike curiosity and amusement lancing across the bond, and a sense of peace and tranquility deep in his soul. Sometimes he awakens to the sunmark pulsing with light and energy, so bright that it draws attention to his wrist) 

* * *

When he's sixteen years old, Itachi withers like blighted flowers, shattering at his feet, and he wails, swathed in suffocating repose of nonlife —

( Itachi, why Itachi? I hate you, I hate you I hate you I love you )

When he wakes up, he is no longer surrounded by the devastation of his last fight with his brother (he half expects to be caught inside a genjutsu, but he knows, he knows). Itachi—a sob spills from his mouth, his brother is—his brother is gone and it's his fault; he cannot breathe, panic crawling into the clefts of his ribs. It hurts—his heart hurts and he thinks he might die of the pain. 

( he wonders if his mother watched these sorrowful deaths, watched as her eldest sallowed and became ill, coughing his last yellow breath before crumbling beneath her youngest's fingertips, her youngest shriveling inside himself )

* * *

Sharp pains bloom from his chest, blood drips from his mouth, and he hears Karin screaming his name. His life-blood pours out of the wound in his chest, and he is overwhelmed by the feedback of pain and fear that bleeds through the connection he shares with Naruto. 

"N-Naruto," he wheezes, fear crawling up his spine. 

Madara drops him; he falls to the ground like a puppet whose strings have been cut. He gasps for air, his lungs burning like wildfire as darkness creeps into his vision. It hurts, more than that time in Wave Country when he thought he was dying, more than the time Itachi told him his bond was a curse from the goddess instead of a curse. It's almost too much, the combination of his and Naruto's pain.

And then—

And then nothing: a deep emptiness creeping into the cavities of his ribs, the warmth that once simmered in the back of his head vanishing like the serotinal sun over the horizon, leaving in its place a yawning void. 

No—nonono! He wants to scream, but he can't, he can't—

 _Naruto_ , he thinks, as his vision fades.

* * *

He senses Naruto before he sees him: the needles in his chest fade and sunlight replaces it, pouring into the cavities of his soul like chimes through the caverns of the cosmos. The man in question appears seconds later, swathed in orange and black, looking like the embodiment of the sun. 

( his heart does not skip a beat, his breath does not catch in his throat at the slight smile that arches around Naruto's mouth, and he definitely ignores the heat that licks up his face )

He looks into those sky blue eyes that are as familiar and yet as foreign as Kaguya, and a flicker of something slides down his spine. Naruto has always had beautiful eyes, always on the verge of smiling. Now there's new maturity in those beautiful eyes, a shadow cutting through the blue. 

"Sasuke, the council has decided to let you live," he says, softly. "It took a bit of negotiation, but I convinced them to commute your sentence to five months in prison, intense therapy, and a year's probation." 

An eyebrow arches, an amused smile playing into Sasuke’s mouth: "Oh, is that all? You must have developed quite the silver tongue in my absence." 

Naruto laughs and the sound of it sends lightning sliding down his spine. "Nah, they owe me." 

* * *

“So,” Naruto says around a mouthful of ramen, eyes twinkling. “Have you thought of whatcha gonna do once you’re out?” 

Sasuke sweeps a sideways glance at him through long-lashed eyes. "Take a proper shower," he says, completely deadpan. It's been 181 days since he's been able to appreciate a proper shower (for high ranking prisoners like himself, he's only allotted a two-minute shower every other day, and the temperature and water pressure leaves much to be desired).

Naruto's lips twitch, amusement like lightning across their bond. "I didn't want to say anything, but Sasuke, you stink."

"Thanks, Naruto." 

"You're welcome, Stinky Sauce." A cheeky grin lights up Naruto's face, and he forgets his anger in the face of it (it takes his breath away).

* * *

Sometimes he gets a visit from the other rookies. Ino brings him flowers, cheerfully chatting while she arranges the flowers in his cell (each time, she brings a new flower that has meaning and gazes pointedly at the purple hyacinths that decorate his cell). Sometimes the strange Hyūga girl arrives; he doesn't know why she visits him, he hardly knew her during their academic years, but he suspects it's because she's lonely. 

(Ino later tells him that she is doing it for Naruto, and he swallows the jealousy that pervades him, ignoring the confusion that bleeds through and the gentle prodding from Naruto. He's allowed his emotions; just because they're bonded doesn't mean that Naruto needs to know everything.)

Sakura doesn’t visit much, but he supposes it's because she can’t stand the sight of him (and he doesn’t blame her; he did attempt to kill her and used a high-level genjutsu on her) or perhaps she’s busy with her job as Tsunade’s apprentice and star resident at Konoha General. 

(The few times she _does_ visit are filled with uncomfortable silences and stilted conversations, expectant gazes, and disappointed sighs.) 

But there is one person who invariably visits him: Naruto, that blockhead who never gave up on him, who kept chasing him. The tenderness in his chest melts away as Naruto steps into his cell, a bright smile on his face. Sasuke takes a rattling breath. 

"So, Ino's dating Hinata now, did'ya know? Weird, I didn't even know they liked each other," Naruto says, scratching the back of his head. "I thought Hinata liked me, y'know? She confessed and everything." 

A dark eyebrow arches, and he stifles the jealousy that blooms in his chest. Good, he thinks viciously, she isn't worthy of Naruto's attention. "Good for them." he says curtly, not wanting to think about the Hyuga heiress' confession. 

"Geez, Sasuke, what's got you all riled up?" 

"Nothing, usuratonkachi." 

( _I don't want you talking about the Hyuga girl and her crush on you_ , he thinks petulantly. )

Naruto rolls his eyes, exasperation bleeding in from the blond. "If you say so, Stinky Sauce. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were jealous of Hina-chan." 

Red crawls up his cheeks and he snarls. "You don't know any better." 

A foxy grin curls at his mouth. "Oh, I believe you _are_ jealous. it's kind of cute, seeing you all riled up like that." His voice drops an octave, "You needn't worry, I don't like her like that. I like my partners surlier, with freckles on their noses and pretty dark eyes." 

Crimson stains his cheeks, and he looks away, annoyed. 

* * *

Their lips meet, and it's like something clicks in his mind: this is where he's meant to be, in the arms of his daystar, surrounded by light. Naruto kisses him and he tastes sunlight, trees blooming fervently with new flowers in the back of his mind. Warmth trickles in through their connection, and this time he is overwhelmed by the feedback of pleasure, happiness, and light that bleeds through. It tastes so good, the feel of Naruto's lips on his, the slide of his tongue against his; Naruto’s sunlit fingers carding through Sasuke’s dark hair, lighting a path of electricity in their wake, and the sun and moon on their wrists shimmering & pulsating like tiny hearts.

( heat pools in Sasuke’s belly, melting down his skin, dripping between his legs and he doesn’t know where his pleasure ends and Naruto’s begins. Kissing Naruto was nothing like he expected; its even better. )

Naruto breaks the kiss, resting his forehead against Sasuke’s, “I’ve been waiting half our lives for this moment.” 

“What took you so long, sunshine? ” Sasuke asks, fingers carding through Naruto’s hair, a smile curving his mouth. His lips tingle, a saccharine warmth settling in his ribcage, and it feels a hell of a lot like being in love. He knows Naruto can feel the same warmth, judging from the contentment that transmits freely through the bond. 

Naruto laughs, huskily, cupping Sasuke's jaw. “You left, remember?” 

( and he does remember, he remembers leaving for all the _wrong_ reasons; he remembers their first fight at the Valley of the End, and all the hurtful things he said. He remembers. )

“I—” 

Naruto closes the gap, slanting his mouth against Sasuke’s, cutting off whatever apologies or explanations, and pulls him closer, every inch of their bodies yielding. And as Naruto slides his tongue into his mouth, Sasuke realizes he has everything he needs; the comforting presence of Naruto's mind brushing against his, the neverending loop of warmth and contentment from both ends of the bond, and Naruto's forgiveness and love. 

And for the first time since the loss of his clan, he's at peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the NarutoFanfiction gift exchange. Sasuke/Naruto soulmate AU, where the farther they go away from each other, the more it hurts. [join the discord server](https://discord.gg/rPVk7DX), where you can interact with me, the author and other fans of my writing! you'll get sneak previews of other works I'm working on.


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